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School Jitters
Every couple weeks or so, I get the school jitters. Last night it came of the tail of showing up early in the carpool line as a special treat (usually I roll up just as the line starts moving), waiting 30 minutes for my kindergartener and then getting spoken to with an attitude that I’m sure he never gives his teacher or any of the school staff. My child is sweet and smart and I know after being on his…
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The Myth of the Highest Calling
When I was trudging through my first pregnancy, what caught me off guard wasn’t all the strange physical changes that overtook my body or the people who felt the liberty to bowl through my carefully constructed arm’s length bubble of comfort to make friendly with their hands on my belly. What caught me off guard was the way my self-perception so drastically changed. The week before I got the double pink line on the pee stick, I’d walked across the…
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Post PPD, Church, and the Struggle to Believe
My feelings towards my church of 10+ years are ambiguous at best. Where I’ve landed today is with gratitude for and love of my immediate community of believers, those I’ve held close and who have done the same with me, yet disengagement with and distrust of my church. I won’t say exactly what events have led to this place, but I know the ache in my heart I feel over those on the fringe – those whose marriage status, gender,…
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Regrets and Insecurities
What looks like a highly productive and diverse life, to me often feels like a smattering of shallow wading pools across the surface of a life that was meant to go much deeper. As I’ve rounded the corner of 30 and am well on my way to 33, I’m proud of my accomplishments – stable marriage, two kids, PhD in engineering, small pottery business, funky little vegetable garden, and yet I can’t help a feeling of disappointment that creeps in…
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Carrying Fear
When the news report began to spread on Friday that another mass murder occurred, and that it was at an elementary school, my initial reaction was to hug my boys and think, There’s no way in hell I’m sending my kid to kindergarten next year. That’s the last straw. There’s still a good chance my kids will be be going to public school, but this was my initial reaction. Draw the chicks in closer to the nest and not let…
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Fostering Grace in the Home
Not long into marriage my husband broke one of our kitchen glasses and I flipped a lid over it. Reflecting on the incident, I couldn’t help but wonder why I cared so much about that glass – so much that I would railroad Joe and try to shame him for his mistake. That was a turning point for my journey on fostering grace in the home. I’d have to say that the journey has come full-circle as just yesterday, Scooby…
