• Thoughts

    Excellence in Mediocrity

    Recently the opportunity was put before me to have a presence in an on-campus teaching setting. I thought about it, I really did. I imagined getting to know students, the environment I’d try to foster, the potential to invest in young people. I even went so far as to consider whether I’d allow music in the lab and if I’d show up with cookies — I’m truly embarrassed now for disclosing that last bit.   And then, before I had a chance to continue the conversation, my oldest came down with a stomach bug that took him out of school for two days. That was the conversation stopper for me…

  • Thoughts

    On falling off the face of the earth

    I had never before seen such a vast expanse of bricks. My school prided itself in its endless supply, but it wasn’t in the brickyard that I was first overcome by the feeling. I was walking down the street in front of the health center with its fairly new construction and not yet matured trees. I looked up at the sky and for a moment feared that if gravity were to stop, I would just fly off the face of the earth with nothing to grab a hold of on my way out. I grew up surrounded by mountains, large trees and rolling landscapes, and here on this flat scab…

  • Thoughts

    Leveled

    I was cruising along this semester running four distance classes, one of which was still in development and another which was in redevelopment and two that were in need of several updates. I was driving at full speed and worked my way up to a 31 hour week – from home with two kids in the midst of snow days. A couple weeks later, I found myself on a second week of insomnia (constantly waking throughout the night), down probably 5 lbs in my weight with no appetite for anything other than peanut M&Ms, sitting in the doctor’s office with extreme dry mouth, a cold, and my resting heart rate…

  • Thoughts

    Drawing in

    In trying to draw closer into Jesus this season of Lent, today I was reminded again how I’ve often approached scripture with a self-focused goal. I’ve looked for the stories of his life to prescribe what I should look like, what I should feel, whom I should love and how I should serve, rather than reading them to see and in response, worship the God described. When I don’t begin with worship, I start in on a path I am bound to fail. If for one moment I look at Jesus and let my shortcomings bring me shame rather than to my knees, I will push him away. If I read of his actions and the first thing…

  • Thoughts

    Lenting it out

    Hellebores, “Lenten Rose” It’s the season of Lent, so the hellebores in the garden tell me, and I’m giving up my determination to be uncomfortable with the person of Jesus. Let me clarify – Jesus should make me uncomfortable in that his life and his love compel me to be transformed, but the kind of discomfort I have felt for so long was of feeling like I didn’t belong in his company. I found it much easier to reflect on and reach out to God the Father than Son of God. On some level it had been easier to worship an invisible God than a tangible Jesus. I know when these feelings began. My introduction to Jesus was likely…

  • Thoughts

    Conversations

    At 7 am on the dot, Scooby jumps into bed, sandwiching Joe, and soon after the littlest bun Wookie joins in making me the jelly. “Why don’t you give me math problems, mom?” “Okay, what’s two times eight?” “Hmmmmm. Sixteen!” “Thirty-six!” chimes in Wookie who is three and counts “oooone, two, free, SEVEN!”, when you ask him to count to four. “Okay, Wookie, what’s eighteen plus eighteen?” “Thirty-six!” Scooby bursts into laughter. “What’s two times three times two times three?” “Thirty-six!” “You are right! Scooby, isn’t he the smartest baby ever?” “Oh mom, he’s just saying thirty-six!”, and he laughs more. “What’s 72,000 divided by 2,000?” pipes in Joe. “Thirty-six!” Last…