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Identity Crisis of Faith
In the past 28 months, I’ve been pregnant for just under 50% of the time, with one healthy boy to show for it. Of the time I was not pregnant, I was sleep deprived for about 25-30% of the time. Part of that time was coupled with feeling nearly driven over the edge by insomnia. So to ask me, “are things getting back to normal?”, I’d have to ask you, “normal as in sleep deprived adjusting to being a new mama normal or normal as in pre-hormonal roller coaster normal?”, because I am not sure that I can ever return to normal or even know what my new normal is.…
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Red Light/Green Light – When to Try Again
It has been two weeks since my d&c. The meeting with my doctor went as well as could be expected. The pathology and my post-op exam did not show any abnormalities. My doctor said that while some doctors recommend waiting until after the first cycle before trying to get pregnant for time to heal but primarily to be able to determine the due date, he was of the mindset that the body is ready when it’s ready (and won’t allow a pregnancy until it is ready), and he wasn’t too concerned about being able to determine the due date. This was a surprise to me as I was expecting to…
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Grief
What is healthy grieving? How can God be honored in a time of grief? These are questions I struggle with during the loss of my second pregnancy in four months. The first, a “chemical pregnancy” was much easier than this one. This one really hurts. On a day I was supposed to be congratulated for entering into the second trimester, I was saw my child still in my womb with no heart beat. Only two weeks ago I was reflecting on trusting God with my fertility, and now I feel my faith being tested. My initial reaction was one of humility, acceptance, sadness, but peace. Day two, going into the…
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When Bellies Don't Grow
When bellies don’t grow, hearts swell tears well lips quiver and sigh. Pull loved ones close draw up the sheets entangle souls and feet. Sip pink lemonade, Kiss cheeks and toes Watch the garden grow
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Faith, Fertility, and Motherhood
For your reading pleasure from 1 Samuel:1 There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. 2 He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none. 3 Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the LORD Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the LORD. 4 Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give…
