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In Darkness
In darkness, I am seen. The most profound moments of my life happen in bed (If I could end the sentence there, it would just be too funny) … while I can’t sleep and am left alone with my thoughts. Since high school, I have struggled with insomnia and what I believe to be depression, and night time has always served as a space for wrestling with life. There were two moments in the first year of college that I…
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Not About Me
Eight years ago, I was lying on a bed with my head the largest square pillow I had ever seen. The windows of the bedroom were open slightly – a compromise of mosquitoes and stagnant heat of the non-air conditioned communist block housing in the middle of the summer. I was alone in the room, and my host Romanian family was just outside the door, but my thoughts were alone, my emotions were alone, the only interruptions were the sounds…
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No, Paige, No! Not Again!
You don’t know how it pains me to bring up this topic again… but for the sake of fairness and honesty, I can’t pretend that everything is just fine. I like to share how I take the bull by the horns and give him a run for his money, but this time the bull’s chasing me, and I think I might be wearing a curly wig and huge clown shoes that are seriously tripping me up. That’s right, here we…
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Three Months Healed
At the passing of each month, I have mixed emotions. While I am a little disappointed to not be pregnant again, I’ll take not being pregnant over having a miscarriage any day. Most of the readings I found said emotional healing takes a good three months. While the emotional healing of the miscarriage seems nearly momentary in the span of my trip down Fertility Lane, the surrendering of my ideals and plans seems nearly as cyclical as the months that…
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Still Fighting It
It’s been two months since my discovery of miscarriage at the 12th week of pregnancy. Despite the initial sadness and the recurring fits of envy, I feel like I have been moving on with my life fairly well. Or I thought I had. This month, I was about 80% sure I was pregnant again. I was having headaches and nausea and even felt a little rounder. It’s amazing the power the mind has over the body, because my favorite aunt…
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Changing Seasons
Scooby and I have really enjoyed our local public pool this summer. It took him a week or so to warm up to playing, but this afternoon he was taking a running (think toddling) jump into my arms in the adult pool. He’s really kicking his legs, blowing bubbles and is just a little too brave for my liking. I think if the summer were a couple months longer, I’d have that kid doggy paddling laps, maybe even doing the…
