Wednesday Night Post to Count as My Thursday Post

So I realize I must bore you all to death. Yada yada my garden this, yada yada this pretty picture. Here’s the thing. This evening my cat took a sip of my tequila and orange juice. How do I know? I saw the post lick ripples in the water, and then she proceeded to lick her nose and wipe it with her paw. I am not okay with this. I really like this tequila and it was the last of the bottle. Typically, I would toss out anything that came into contact with the cat’s tongue, but I couldn’t this time. I simply couldn’t waste good tequila. So I told my cat what I really thought about her, and then I tweeted about it. BECAUSE I LIKE AN AUDIENCE.

That’s right. I like to be heard. I want to amuse people. I want to impress you and make you feel better about yourself all at the same time with my charming and witty asininity. I do really dumb things. Whenever I’m with my brother and we get to talking with people who don’t know me, he loves to tell them about the time in sixth grade that I put deodorant in my hair because I thought my hair was stinky and didn’t have time to wash it. I was in sixth grade, friends. I’d just started using deodorant. Nowhere on the stick did it say “don’t apply to scalp”. I think it went on clear, but that’s besides the point. Why was my scalp stinky? That one still boggles my mind. Even more so, I was going out to eat with my family. Who exactly would be sniffing my head?

My brother also likes to tell people that I once said I like to eat a lot of tomatoes because it helps prevent prostate cancer. He took me in all seriousness, but common. A prostate? I know I don’t have a prostate. I was being ironic before being ironic was cool. Even better than being ironic, I was being a dork – apparently a very convincing one. The funny thing is though, two summers ago I ate so many tomatoes that it sent me to the doctor thinking I was sick because I constantly had to urinate. Once she heard I was eating at least two tomatoes a day, she told me I might want to lay off that habit because all that acid was messing me up. I guess it really is a good thing I don’t have a prostate to worry about!