Gardening with Kids Gone Wrong

I ought to be smacked for always painting a picture of gardening bliss and pleasant domestitude. In reality, my legs are daily molested by mosquitoes, the Man-child wails when his clothes accidentally get wet, and due to intense sweat, I have to change clothes every time I come back inside. I’d complain about the Baby eating things outside, but compared to the cat poop he ate inside yesterday, I’m happy for him to consume how ever much mulch and dirt he likes.

Yesterday, the boys took an hour to fall asleep at nap time, after much wailing by the Baby who woke up before the Man-child. Wanting to let my older one sleep, I snuck the Baby out of his crib and we slipped outside because he wouldn’t stop crying – apparently due to constipation. As soon as we were ready to cave beneath the sweat and bug bites, I tried to open the back door only to realize it was locked. This was also about the time the Baby was cured of his constipation.

So the two of us stood on the deck banging on the door hoping my other son would wake up and open the door for us. He didn’t. That child sleeps like a rock at nap time, and so I ran around to the front with the Baby to ring the door bell before sprinting back to the deck. See, the deadbolt was unlocked, but someone had turned the other lock. If the Man-child came to our rescue at the back door while we weren’t there, he might come outside and close the door behind him locking all three of us out.

After another prolonged session of banging, kicking, and yelling, the Baby was getting frantic due to his diaper pebbles and my frustration. We went back to the front door, and I proceeded to ring the doorbell repeatedly until the Man-child hollered back at us, “JUST A MINUTE!” Fortunately he came to the front door and was able to turn the key on the deadbolt. He claims he didn’t hear any of the door pounding, just the door bell. Seriously? I nearly beat that door down! Ironically, my husband came waltzing in the front door only five minutes after our grand rescue.

So this is how gardening really goes. I managed to take some refuse to the compost bin before all this went down, but the real work was trying to wake up a napping boy.